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LAUGHTER |
Research has shown that laughter truly
has health benefits. Laughter reduces the level of stress
hormones like cortisone and dopamine and increases the
levels of health inducing hormones like endorphins.
As a result the benefits of laughter range from strengthening
the immune system, to increasing ones pain threshold.
Laughter is also a physical release and a really good
laugh actually gives you a mini workout – woo
hoo – so let’s laugh more! Recent stats
show that the average child laughs about 300 times a
day, the average adult about 19!! Gee, what happens
to us?
| "You don’t
stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old
because you stop laughing." - Michael
Pritchard |
So in wrapping up the year –
here are a few laughs I’ve chosen to hopefully
bring a smile...
On WORK...these quotes
are actually taken from real employee performance evaluations.
They may even remind you of a few people you work with!
· ‘His men
would follow him anywhere but only out of morbid curiosity’.
· ‘It’s
hard to believe he beat 1 million other sperm.’
· ‘This person
is depriving some village somewhere of an idiot.’
· ‘I’d
love to go hunting with him some time.’
· ‘This employee
should go far and the sooner he starts the better.’
· ‘When his
IQ reaches 50 he should sell.’
· ‘If you
stand closer you can hear the ocean.’
"Against the assault
of laughter nothing can stand." -
Mark Twain
|
On LAW (?)...these
are real conversations recorded in court:
| Lawyer Q: |
What is your date of birth? |
| Answer: |
July 15th |
| Lawyer Q: |
What year? |
| Answer: |
Every year |
| Lawyer Q: |
What gear were you in at the moment
of impact? |
| Answer: |
Gucci sweats and Reeboks! |
| Lawyer Q: |
So the date of conception was August
8th? |
| Answer: |
Yes |
| Lawyer Q: |
And what were you doing at the time? |
| Lawyer Q: |
Do you recall the time you examined
the body? |
| Answer: |
The autopsy started at about 20h30 |
| Lawyer Q: |
And Mr Dennington was dead at the
time? |
| Answer: |
No – he was sitting up on the
table wondering why I was doing an autopsy |
| Lawyer Q: |
Doctor before you performed the autopsy
did you check for a pulse? |
| Answer: |
No |
| Lawyer Q: |
Did you check his blood pressure? |
| Answer: |
No |
| Lawyer Q: |
Did you check for breathing? |
| Answer: |
No |
| Lawyer Q: |
So then Doctor is it possible the
patient was alive when you began the autopsy? |
| Answer: |
No |
| Lawyer Q: |
How can you be so sure? |
| Answer: |
Because his brain was sitting in a
jar on my desk |
| Lawyer Q: |
But could the patient have been alive
nevertheless? |
| Answer: |
It is possible that he could have
been alive and practising law somewhere! |
| Lawyer Q: |
You were not shot in the fracas? |
| Answer: |
No I was shot midway between the fracas
and the naval |
| "Laughter is the shortest
distance between two people." - Victor
Borge |
The Washington Post's Style Invitational
asked readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter
and supply a new definition.
Here are some of the winners:
| 1. |
Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding
stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
|
| 2. |
Cashtration (n.) The act of buying
a house, which renders the subject financially impotent
for an indefinite period.
|
| 3. |
Sarchasm (n.) The gulf between
the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't
get it.
|
| 4. |
Karmageddon (n.) It's like, when
everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes,
right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
like, a serious bummer.
|
| 5. |
Glibido (v.) All talk and
no action.
|
| 6. |
Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form
of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three
in the morning and cannot be cast out.
|
| 7. |
Caterpallor (n.) The color you
turn after finding half a worm in the apple you're
eating.
|
| 8. |
Ignoranus (n): A
person who's both stupid and an asshole. |
| "Laughter translates
into any language." - Mark Innes |
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